nothing about the weather

So I'm up to day one; 'introduce yourself'. I've been dreading writing this and I'm already debating whether to exit and leave this as a draft.
I'm a broad character and I'm not sure what exactly I should pride myself on these days because I'm not sure what's cool, or what is trendy. I spend most of my days solo, probably because I'm satisfied with my own company, and if I'm not; I'm not on my own - or I'm really bored.
I sit down and close my legs, and I almost always end up leaning forward with excitement or because I'm lazy.
And I'm guessing people don't know how to take either.
I regret the hole I was living in. Only to crawl out with my arms up; people greeted me by asking me why my arms are up and if it's a first.
I've progressed exceedingly through the past couple of years, I've grown and I've moulded into something I can carry lightly since the last time I've done one of these things.
I think about how people see me too often, and I fear they live on what they remember - and I know people only remember the worst. Until recently, I leaned forward flirtatiously and I smiled at jokes that weren't funny - which I ended up regretting because it really wasn't that funny when I recognised a personality disorder. And suffering a multiple personality disorder really wasn't worth a fake laugh - or my boyfriend leaving me for someone else [but unfortunately I thank my personality issues weren't only to blame for this].
I was in love, yes, indeed I was; so incredibly in love. I'm still in love but I refuse to write too much to encourage unwanted heightened emotions, and I don't want to be sitting here trying to dissect the meaning of our relationship. It was large, and pretty fucking rare. So I'm just working on the patience to get to the stage when all I can say is I'm glad it happened; he taught it all to me. I still think of the cliche poetic ways I can describe the times we shared, but I suspect my words won't spill because my heart's still holding on.
I'm not good at relationships, I've realised how difficult it was to build or uphold a friendship. So after that grand one I shared with Sam, I'm learning what it means to hold onto more than one person.

.----------------p;